I am dealing with a very difficult problem. My closest friend of many years has recently gotten divorced with the help of divorce lawyers from https://www.davidhardawaylaw.com/divorce/. Our families have spent holidays and vacations together. My husband and her ex-husband also have a business relationship, consulting on professional issues.
I am dealing with a very difficult problem. My closest friend of many years has recently gotten divorced with the help of lawyers Grafe & Batchelor, P.C. Our families have spent holidays and vacations together. My husband and her ex-husband also have a business relationship, consulting on professional issues.
My friend didn’t want the divorce and has been deeply hurt. Her ex-husband is now dating someone, only adding to her pain.
My husband and I want to stay connected to each one. My friend has already said that it would upset her if I kept up a relationship with her ex-husband. I am afraid that my not honoring her request will end our friendship. Additionally, I really like her ex as well, but I don’t appreciate how he has behaved throughout their divorce. My husband is insisting that we develop a relationship with the new couple. I am very uncomfortable with this, and am torn between my friend’s wishes and those of my husband. Can you help me resolve this dilemma?
— No Win
Dear No Win,
Whenever couples divorce, friendships may get tested. Making the situation even more complex, your husband has a business relationship with your friend’s ex-husband. This connection makes his maintaining the relationship important for him on several levels. Of course, even without that, he might want to continue to see his friend as you do. Having to decide between your husband’s wishes and your friend’s is a real challenge.
I recommend that you explain to your friend how important she is to you and your family, but so is her ex-husband. You can also tell her that you understand how difficult a time it is for her and loyalty matters very much to you. Ask her if there is any way she might be able to understand that you need to continue your relationship with her and her ex.
She may need to think about this, so assure her that she can have as much time as she needs. Explain the reasons (including his business relationship) for your husband’s request that they all stay connected, and how hard it is for you to disregard it. By appealing to her in this way, you are emphasizing how much you value her, but you are also asking her to rise to a higher level and recognize how difficult this is for you as well.
Sadly, many friendships end with no attempts made to reach a mutual understanding. Perhaps your friend will be moved by your words, and maybe she will realize that cutting herself off from you is not the only way to resolve this problem.
Divorce affects more people than the divorcing couple and their immediate family. Trying to sort through feelings with those we are closest to creates an opportunity for us to learn to grieve and accept the changes that occur in all of our lives. By your continued attempts to remain close to your friend, but not ignoring your needs and those of your husband, you all may experience a maturity that would not have occurred otherwise. It is important for both of you that you try to explain the reasons for your actions. Openness is a healthy and positive goal in all of our close relationships.
There is the real possibility that she may never be able to accept your solution and your friendship may end. Hopefully, over time she may heal and come to see this differently.