George Costanza, the real star of Seinfeld, always felt insecure about his lot in life. During one episode, he decides that his given name is not creating enough buzz, so he demands that people in his office call him T-Bone. Does anything work out for TV’s greatest loser? Instead of adopting the cool self-imposed nickname, his boss gives him the moniker of “Koko The Monkey.”

Robert Francis O’rourke might have been called Bobby, Robby, or Bob, from childhood to his DUI arrest in 1998. In this joyous time of identity politics, being white of Irish descent doesn’t move the needle. Nobody but Costanza would misappropriate Spanish culture to change your look.

It almost worked as Beto ( 4 campaign staffers and maybe his wife have ever called him that). After all, he was running to take the Senate seat of Ted Cruz, the most odious man to walk the Capitol halls since Strom Thurmond. Did he lose because Beyonce endorsed him via Instagram 30 minutes before the polls closed? Or was it that all the Juan’s and John’s in Texas were happy with the name their parents gave them.

Most people would try another Senate run in a few years, this time with an actual platform aimed to help Texans and only Texans.

The former punk rock bassist was “Born To Run” switching from misappropriation to plagiarism. Bruce Springsteen would have a problem with highjacking the title of his most excellent album as you throw your hat into the presidential race.

Donald Trump dreams of campaigning against Beta Max O’rourke, tweeting the daily musings of Bozo the Clown. Sadly Trump will never be seen mocking how Beto pauses in between each syllable, snapping his fingers in unison searching for the next to complete a word.

Was his campaign effectively over when thirty minutes into it, he began apologizing for his wife being a stay at home mom?  Or when he boldly stated that the wall separating El Paso and Juarez, one of the most violent cities in Mexico should be torn down. We may never know.

For all future candidates, if you have a nickname, please provide proof with 100 signatures from friends, no family or staffers.