Dear Alice,
Since the recent and sudden death of my friend’s husband, I have tried to be available to her as much as I can. Our children are in school together, and we have had a warm relationship through the years.

 

Dear Alice,

Since the recent and sudden death of my friend’s husband, I have tried to be available to her as much as I can. Our children are in school together, and we have had a warm relationship through the years.

While my friend has a part-time job on Wall Street and has mentioned her business successes, she at times seems naïve about financial matters. She says that she was left financially secure, but has had a difficult time accessing the details about her husband’s life insurance and pension. As a result, she is anxious about being able to hold on to her house and educate her children.  

We were having lunch together the other day when she took a phone call.  She told me that the call was from a new friend who wanted her to invest in a business venture. I immediately got concerned. The business deal her new friend was working on had apparently fallen through “due to a tragic accident of one of the principals”. The venture group now needed more money immediately and asked her to invest. I almost fell off my chair.

 

I quizzed her about how she knew the caller. (She met him in her gym.) Within minutes, another call came in. She said it was from another new friend involved in the deal. By then, I felt that I had to warn her that this sounded like a scam.

 

She was surprised at my reaction, but agreed to think over my concerns. I fear that I went too far. Do you think I did the right thing?

 

— Concerned

 

Dear Concerned,

You have stumbled into a very serious situation. Your newly-widowed friend is a prime target for financial predators. It’s fortunate you had an opportunity to learn about this probable scam. Her giving you these details suggests that she trusts you and values your advice. Many people in her situation, even with a financial background, may be fooled by clever scam artists. Although we read about these scams all the time, we think that this would never happen to us.

People who are at a vulnerable period in their lives may mistake someone’s attention, even regarding money, as an offer of friendship. Her unstable emotional life and financial situation are likely to cause her to seek comfort and security whenever and wherever she can.

 

In dealing with loss, experts recommend not making any life changes for at least a year in order for one’s head to clear. You intuited that there was danger for her, especially in her confused state. Consider yourself her guide for now. I hope that she will give your warning some thought and choose to better protect herself in the future.

 

Congratulations for getting involved and being a good friend. If you had not spoken up, she might have believed in the legitimacy of their request for her money. As a result, she would have been harmed. Being a bystander would have been the easy way out for you. I’m glad you didn’t take it.

 

— Alice  

 

Follow-up: The widow did not invest with her new “friends” and was grateful for the help and guidance she got at lunch.