“Have you seen my glasses?”

By Allen Clark

 

“Have you seen my glasses?”

If I’m to believe my children, that’s one of my most oft-used pleas. But I am happy to announce, after reading lots of stuff about alternative uses for drones, I am working on an invention (and after that, an IPO) that should take care of the problem for good.

Here’s my first ad.

“Have you seen my glasses?”

‘SpeXrone,’ the new home drone, lets you locate those missing spectacles, car keys, and wallets. Just activate this cute little fella, set him off on the upper floor, and specify which rooms you want searched. Then key in the ground floor. Even does basements!

Just make sure you leave all interior doors open; ‘SpeXrone’ hates stubbed noses! The only place where it can’t help is coat pockets — or if your glasses are right there, all along, hanging on those little straps around your neck.

Order yours today!”

Before you scoff, check out businessinsider.com/the-drones-are-coming-2012-12. Then, consider that Amazon’s founder and CEO announced on “60 Minutes” late last year his plan to use drones – which he calls octocopters – to deliver packages to customers within 30 minutes of ordering.

This led one viewer to tweet this was a great idea, “because having your stuff shot down is cooler than being stolen from your porch.” Another commented, “A drone doesn’t care if you come to the door naked.” Of course, I don’t think they’ve figured out how drones can ring doorbells.

Last month, Francesco’s Pizzeria in traffic-snarled Mumbai, India, delivered one of its pizzas to the top of a high rise in just ten minutes, beating the on-the-ground average delivery time by one-third.  (I wonder, do you tip a drone?) Finally, Mark Zuckerberg let us know that he wants “to connect the two-thirds of the world that has no net access, using drones, satellites, and lasers.”

 And what about all those other little proprietary drones delivering the latest best sellers or new pair of swim trunks for Dad or holiday neckties? Will there be a Drone Air Traffic Control Center in each apartment building? The mind boggles.

So, back to my invention; remember – you read about it here first. I can just picture it – replacing my dog – bringing the latest copy of The Rye Record and my slippers to me in my living room Barcalounger. “Hey, don’t forget my glasses.”