“Walt…Walt!” Where are you? Pick up!”

By Tom Mcdermott

“Walt…Walt!” Where are you? Pick up!”

 “Vic…Vic, where in the world are you?”

 “Ferg! Are you with Walt or Vic?”

 “Henry, is Walt or Vic there? Have you seen Ferg?”

 “Cady, pick up your phone!”

Ruby sat alone at her desk. She couldn’t raise anyone on the radio, and Vic, Henry, Ferg, and Cady didn’t answer their cells. And Branch? Well, he was either dead or in County lock-up for killing his father.

A man burst through the door. He was wearing a bespoke suit with a fluffed pocket square in its chest pocket, a spread collar with a thickly-knotted tie at his throat. There were three other guys in suits behind him. It was the A&E Gang, and the man holding the gun’s name was Dan Silberman.

“They’re not coming back, Ruby,” he said. “They’re cancelled, and so are you.” And the shot rang out and Ruby slumped behind her desk. Fade to black, as they say. “That’ll teach all those wrinkly viewers a thing or two about law and order. All five-point-six million boomer-deadbeats. Now, let’s go get a program for the young’uns.”   

Imagine a man with 5.6 million cable viewers for his modern day western called “Longmire,” the second most popular show on the A&E network, admitting in public that the audience is too old and so A&E can’t make any money. Imagine the arrogance and stupidity of insulting that many viewers with money in their pockets to spend on advertisers’ products and services. It defies comprehension.   

Imagine also, if the man had said, “We have too many black viewers, or too many gay viewers, or even too many Native American viewers, even though “Longmire” is a rare show that features Cheyenne culture.

How can it be that he and the other highly compensated suits cannot sell commercial time to AARP, pharmaceutical companies, GM, and a thousand other businesses that are happy to take boomer money out of our pockets.

How is it that they can’t bother to sell actors Katee Sackoff (hot, as Vic) and Bailey Chase (hunk, as Branch), or Cassidy Freeman (Walt Longmire’s alluring daughter Cady) to younger audiences? It must be because they won’t try. Are they stupid, lazy, or both?

I discovered “Longmire” earlier this year on Netflix and recently watched the third season through Amazon, paying about $25 to do so. I want more.

I would be happy to pay Warner Bros., the show’s producer that $25 directly, or Netflix, or even the cult-like Amazon to watch season four. I also think that at least 2-3 million of those viewers would do the same. That may not be enough revenue to turn a profit in the whacky numbers world of cable TV, but $50-75 million should be a good start.

What would I pay A&E? Nada, Zilch, not a dime; and I will make it apoint, and hope that other over-60 “deadbeats” do the very same, to send Mr. Silberman a strong message. I hope that Warner Bros. finds a new home quickly for Walt & Co. And, I hope the next time that A&E shows interest in a Warner show, that their own suits tell the A&E Gang that there’s a new sheriff in town.

And his/her name is Boomer and, yes, he/she is real, and also very, very rich.