Rod Serling was right, and this is all a carefully laid plan by those aliens from Planet XBOX238 after all?

 

By TW McDermott

 

…Rod Serling was right, and this is all a carefully laid plan by those aliens from Planet XBOX238 after all?

 

…Way back in 1980, the Chinese and the Soviets secretly met and hatched this wild scenario, in which the Chinese would embrace capitalism with a vengeance, and the Soviets, meanwhile, would fake falling apart, all so that they could dupe us into a complacent era in which we partied ‘til we…well, dropped and then the Chinese would own everything and then Putin would …?

 

…We actually believed that giving mortgages to people with absolutely no money or jobs and lending billions to Greece were really good ideas, which would mean that, instead of being the greedy, groping, tax-evading, revolting millionaires the President and Warren Buffet say some of us are, we were only just incredibly…dumb?

 

…Irene had been a guy and like totally missed everything.

 

…Abbie Hoffman and Jerry Rubin came back and wandered down to  “Occupied” Wall Street and realized the whole thing had been “curated” by people from Williamsburg, which is where the Village went, and they were really, really embarrassed for everyone lounging around there … and people thought they were the delivery guys from the deli?

 

…These Republican candidate debates were, like real, and not some pretty campy, about- to-be-cancelled reality TV show?

 

…Hillary’s plane touched down in Washington for more than 15 seconds and she realized what was going on there and she was like whoa, call the tower, we’re going right back to Urumqui or wherever?

 

…When they made “The Shawshank Redemption”, they already knew that it was going to be on every day for years and years and on all different channels, even more than “Holiday” is on, which is really a lot and …they made it anyway. Hah!

 

…The Kardashians were the only ones left after the current candidates poll numbers like totally tanked. Would that be so bad?

 

…The New York Times could just move Dining or Styles or Home up front to Section A and then that other stuff could go in C for a change and we could totally ignore it like Science?

 

…The Nobel people finally gave the Lit Prize to someone people have actually read before, and not in the original Icelandic or Transylvanian, and the work even had pictures like the J Crew catalogue?

 

…We had to actually, like, pay back our student loans before our internships end.