By Annabel Monaghan
Not all men like Tom Brady, but the men who do love him with a fierceness that is remarkable to me. There’s a certain look they get on their faces when they talk about him. It’s difficult to describe this look without using the word “swoon” or inserting that emoji of a happy face with two hearts where the eyes should be. Yes, he’s really good at football, and he’s certainly easy on the eyes, but it’s more than that. There’s something about Tom Brady that makes men weak in the knees in a way that might amount to the greatest and most widespread bromance in history.
Tom Brady ran out onto the field to start Super Bowl LII looking like the guy you kind of wish would ask you to the prom. Women around the country thought to themselves: Heck, that’s a good-looking man. Many of us were then quickly distracted by our nachos.
Cut to the two male announcers who are supposed to be getting us psyched up about the game. They are silent for a few seconds, gazing at the monitor as Brady walks away. During the Super Bowl, that silent gaze costs about $200,000. Finally there’s a sigh, and they exchange a smile. One of them composes himself long enough to speak: “Father time does not have Tom Brady’s address.” The other swoons, “No, he does not.” Another $200,000 of silence.
I’m sitting there thinking, for the love of Pete, would these two guys go write Tom Brady a sonnet already so we can get back to the commercials?
Sure, he’s good at football. But so is Ben Roethlisberger and I’ve never seen a grown man blush at the mention of his name. Sure Brady is handsome, but so is Chris Hemsworth and I’m pretty sure my husband couldn’t pick him out of a lineup.
I think it’s a third thing that sets him apart – the abundance of his blessings. For starters, the guy is married to a supermodel. Want more? She makes even more money than he does. It’s as if the rules of fairness don’t apply to him; like when God was doling out the nice things, Tom Brady went through the line multiple times.
It’s easy to see why many men see him as a kind of god. He’d have to be to have pulled this off. He even defies medical convention – it’s said that he drinks more than 2.5 gallons of water per day, an amount that would drown a mere mortal. I’ve been told that Tom Brady eats dessert once a month. And that it’s a tomato.
When I look at Gisele Bündchen, I think boy is she pretty. When I listen to Ruth Bader Ginsburg, I think boy is she smart. But I wonder if there is a female Tom Brady, one aspirational woman who women adore this deeply and who could actually make me blush. The only one I can come up with is Tina Fey.