Santa, the original global-mobile app, Wakes from his analog winter’s nap, And taking up pen and real paper too, Composes his list, just like me and you.

 

By T W McDermott

 

Santa, the original global-mobile app,
Wakes from his analog winter’s nap,
And taking up pen and real paper too,
Composes his list, just like me and you.

A DVD of “It’s A Wonderful Life” for Angela Merkel.

 

A dozen Tiffany sterling silver handcuffs for MF Global

 

Talbot’s Gift Card for Lady GagaCoal for the ones who thought up Black Friday, Greek Bonds, and offshore call-centers

 

Six ounces of gold for the inventor of E-ZPass

 

A Kim Kardashian avatar for every NBA player

 

A vintage toy Edsel for the founders of Groupon

 

Coal for the ones who scheduled a World Series game in November, hyped Irene everywhere except where she actually caused devastation, and turned the Sports page into the Police Blotter.

 

A biography of Che Guevera for Warren Buffet

 

A biography of W.C. Fields for the Republican candidates

 

Original oil paintings of Shanghai’s Pudong District for all 435 members of Congress

 

Coal for the ones who went into fracking after they closed their subprime mortgage agencies; turned Williamsburg, Brooklyn into the Museum of Temporary Art; and would not let the Texas Rangers register just one more strike.

 

One copy of the “Autobiography of Andrew Cuomo” for Governor Cuomo

 

One hundred copies of the Cliff Notes version of Gibbon’s “The History of the Decline and Fall of the Roman Empire” for the U.S. Senate.

 

Another mirror, with stepstool, for Mayor Mike.

 

Coal for the ones who take with both hands and hire no one; who love and adore Steve Jobs now that he’s gone, but wouldn’t let the Steve Jobs of this world within ten miles of their own HQ’s; who created the 15-month-long presidential campaign to enrich themselves and put everyone else to sleep.

 

A facelift from Bruce Jenner’s surgeon for the Red Sox, a new owner from Earth for the Dodgers, the World’s Dumbest Billionaire to help the Mets, and Tony Bennett singing “I Left My You Know What You Know Where”, while winding his way down Lombard Street in the victory parade.

 

A new bridge by the old restaurant, a happy 100th to Manursing Island Club, a clue about the Most Secret Playland Plan in The History of the World, and a contract renewal for the parking meters that never work.