Every year I write a review of the past year, and then I make a list of those things that I need to change. Unfortunately, I rarely manage to do any of them.
Change You Can Believe in
Dear Alice,
Every year I write a review of the past year, and then I make a list of those things that I need to change. Unfortunately, I rarely manage to do any of them.
I’d like to do things differently this year and be more successful at change. Each year I set out to lose weight, exercise more often, be more patient with my children, and do more volunteer work. I start out strong, but I love food, don’t enjoy going to the gym, find myself yelling at my children, and two months into the New Year have not yet found any volunteer work that appeals to me.
I know I sound like a slug, but I don’t want to give up on myself. I believe in self-improvement, but obviously something gets in my way when I have to work at it. I’d love some help with this problem.
— Eternally Optimistic
Dear Eternally Optimistic,
Optimism is commendable, but as you have discovered, it only goes so far in helping to create change. In fact, sometimes optimism gets in the way, because we feel so sure everything will work out that we don’t do anything to ensure it actually does.
It’s difficult to work on too many changes at once, so start by picking the one that is the most important for you. Take the time to think carefully about it, and talk it over with people you trust. Friends and family may be able to share tips they’ve found helpful. Keep their suggestions in a notebook to refer to and review as needed.
Imagine how you will feel if you accomplish this one thing this year! If you are highly motivated to change, you’ll be able to visualize yourself exhibiting the new behavior. Seeing is believing.
As far as dieting is concerned, as long as you deny that you love food, losing weight will not be easy. A resolution represents something that is hard to change or it would not constitute a resolution. Commit fully, if you can. If not, accept the fact that you’re not yet ready to make any changes and take that goal off your list.
If you decide you are serious about achieving a goal, you’ll need to view whatever you choose to change through a different lens — wanting to look better in clothes, or wanting people to comment on your new figure. A quick reminder: If you keep doing the same thing, you will get the same result. Give yourself credit for changes you made in the past, remember how you accomplished them, and ask yourself if you are genuinely pleased that you made the changes.
The more you believe in the value of something you need to change, the more likely you are to achieve it.
Good luck,
Alice
